Trial run

Quick update to the treatment plan...

Went in on Wednesday for the hepatic angiogram. They mapped all vessels in the liver and gave a test dose of radioactive dust. Looks like all is a go for the full treatment (delivered in two parts). However, found out it actually takes 2 weeks to get the "dust" here as it comes from Australia and needs special handling/timing/etc. They space treatments 4-6 weeks apart (1/2 of the liver at a time). So...they ordered the first dose and we'll plan treatment date as we know when it will be scheduled to arrive. Chemo will wait for now. May schedule one 2-3 weeks after the first dusting, then no more until 2 weeks after the last dose. Waiting for chemo doesn't make me sad...this new mixture is everything unpleasant people imagine about chemo...I was so fortunate with the first round!

Focusing on maintaing weight at the moment. (NEVER thought that would be anything I would ever worry about!!) Seems I can't eat a lot and nausea has been a frequent companion...Anyway, I think I'm about the weight I was in 6th or 7th grade. I always knew I enjoyed eating, but struggle with my weight has always been about weighing too much, not too little.

Have to schedule a little fun here soon and take pictures...blogs need photos!! :>)

Thanks for all your calls, cards, emails...I so appreciate each and every one!!!

Treatment planning

So, no new photos for this update...have mostly been home snugged in bed or on the couch trying to recuperate from a new round of chemo. Since tumors are growing and markers up, the first round (which seemed a piece of cake) is deemed a "failure". So...they've created a new mixture of drugs that is definitely making an impact with side effects (most of which are not pretty, so I'll spare the details). Just had the second treatment on Monday, now it's Friday and I'm starting to feel better...

Next, the "Fairy Dust". I'm scheduled for an angiogram of the liver on Wednesday (February 20) and if all looks positive, will get radioactive "dust" treatment on Thursday and Friday (they do 1/2 of the liver each day). Sure hoping for a miraculous outcome with stabilization of tumor growth! Appreciate so much your prayers, thoughts, positive energy sent in that direction!

Feels like time is coming for reflection on lessons of this journey...hoping to finally settle down and just "be" with what has happened. Perhaps journal thoughts that are starting to emerge... feels like a rich place to mine some philosophical truths. Maybe even some poetry...Will keep you posted. :>)

Also considering knitting lessons. A dear friend has suggested I use some of my time to learn to knit. Maybe something like a baby blanket for the grandbaby (who has passed all tests to date and by all ways we can measure is healthy!) I am imagining the most beautiful, brilliant, compassionate, creative, sweet baby (just like every grandparent does! :>)

Road Trip and other things

Feels like a very long time since I've sat down to blog...been a very busy time on the road...and in the hospital since I returned.

Sunday, January 6, burned up Interstate 10 over to Grover Beach in about 9 hours. Enjoyed listening (and singing along) to a CD that Tess and Kirsten made for me with very hip "road trip" songs. Definitely gave me lots of energy (and likely made me speed a bit...no ticket, thankfully). Traffic was good, Sunday is a great day to travel through LA around noonish. Arrived at Matt and Catherine's in Grover Beach still having energy to spare (what a surprise). Spent a fun-filled 4 days with them just hanging (learned to play Apples to Apples-what a great group game), playing with my grandpuppy, Nick, walking/hiking, enjoying Catherine's cooking, her parents and a tour of the Avila lighthouse.

Early morning view as we start out

The Avila Lighthouse

Matt and Catherine at the lighthouse

Maria, Charlie, Catherine and Matt

Original beacon from the lighthouse

Matt and me

These guys are a very fun group to hang out with! We had such great food and shared lots of laughter. Even fed some dinosaurs (longer story...wouldn't want to hook you! :>) It was wonderful Matt could have a few days off together and Catherine was still on holiday break! Love their new house and all the beautiful decorating and yard projects they've done. Quite the clever couple! :>) Looking forward to even more changes the next visit!

All too soon (Friday, January 11) it was time to say "goodbye for now" to the Grover Beach crew and head North to Oakland for Peter and Clare's. Great to have Peter off on Friday as well as the weekend. The renovation project on their house is really getting serious!! They've lifted the foundation, are adding another floor, and when I left were about to pour concrete. So much prep work goes into all of that. There's just no end to parts of this project. Ah...someday, hopefully soon, they will get to enjoy all the hard work that is going into this home!!! Had lots of fun "eating around Oakland" as usual. There are so many yummy places to eat there! We explored a bit of San Francisco and I got to go to work with Peter, meet his boss and see where he has done some of his work. 

The House Project

There will soon be a whole new floor adding a rental apartment and additional space for Peter and Clare. It will be so fun to see this place turn back into the proud Victorian it once was! What a bright spot it will be for the neighborhood!

Andy Goldsworthy Path in the Presidio

 along the path

Great hiking both around Land's End and the Presidio, definitely got my exercise in!

Peter and Clare at Landsend

Familiar SF sight

Berkeley Botanical Garden

Interesting plants

After having a cup of coffee and reading a book in a Berkeley coffee shop (imagining myself an old hippie), enjoyed about 2 1/2 hours all alone wandering the gorgeous Berkeley Botanical Gardens. Thousands of acres of plants from all over the globe and greenhouses for those with climate issues (both needing more arid environments and those with more humidity). Beautiful place, well worth the hike around seemingly endless miles of trails.

The garden is near a nuclear research area!

Off to work with Peter...what a beautiful place to go to work, however, it was very impressive to see just how far he rides the BART, then rides his BIKE about 11-12 miles out to the office (and home again)!! What dedication!! And what great shape he's in!!

The office

At his desk

View from the Marin Headlands where Peter's office is located

Sad to say "goodbye for now" to them (and grandkitties Oscar and Jade), but time to head even further North for a quick visit with John Munro (our old Buddy from New Zealand). John has a sister, Coralie, who has lived in the states for over 30 years working as a researcher at UCDavis. She is in the process of a bone marrow transplant, so John is here for 6 months or so to help her.

Coralie and John

Coralie and her husband, Ron

Coralie will have to be in the hospital for 4 weeks, then in an apartment near the hospital for 3 months with 24 hour care after the transplant. (Thus John will be caring for her during the week and Ron on the weekend so he can continue working!) Please send positive thoughts and prayers her way as this is a very crucial and complicated procedure and process. (You can so tell these people are New Zealanders as they make you feel like family immediately!) 

It was great to see our old Buddy, John. He's such a big teddy bear! What a wonderful friend! He's managing to work at his job with the New Zealand Rescue Beacons long distance via computer and international phone calling (ah...the wonders of technology)!

As I started to travel home, began to feel increasing amounts of pain...and in a different location than I ever had before. By the time I arrived home, we soon realized it couldn't be managed with pain medication that I had, so we had to head out to the hospital. I went in Saturday night, got the CT scan and blood work that was supposed to happen on Monday (along with IV Morphine) and it appears I have pancreatitis. In addition, the liver tumors are growing again and there is a wee spot of atypical cells on my pancreas. Part of the pain I was (am) experiencing is from those enlarging tumors and a part from the irritated pancreas. I stayed in the hospital 4 days (about 3 1/2 days too long for me) and am home now still having pain, but much better than last week. Have also learned to let go of my expectation that I can "be tough, take anything" and not need medication...so now, I take it when I first feel problems coming, rather that wait until the medicine has to work harder to relieve symptoms (a message I've given to patients, but when it's yourself... :>) Now we're waiting for an appointment with my oncologist on Monday to get pancreatic biopsy results and map out a new treatment plan. It will likely involve (very soon) the blast of radioactive "fairy dust" into my liver, followed by additional chemo. I am at peace with that and am willing to do whatever is needed to try to beat this thing!! I so appreciate all your positive thoughts, prayers and love. They are what's getting me through.

P.S. Also wanted to share the amazing news that Clare and Peter are pregnant! (Well, Clare, mostly :>) I know babies are born every day (it's a career where I've spent most of my life), but now we'll get to experience for ourselves the great JOY of a grandchild! What motivation to get this treatment plan in high gear!!

Happy New Year 2013 and the grandpuppies...

Happy New Year everyone! Hope 2013 brings lots of love, joy and happiness your way! :>)

We had great holidays with Catherine, Matt, Nick, Andy, Diane, Elana and Chloe, Sarge and the wee girls. Just have to share what Santa has brought to Andy and Diane's house:

Peaches and Penny, the newest grandpuppies! :>) They are ADORABLE and bring so much fun and pure sweetness. THEY are great therapy dogs!!

Christmas was wonderful and far too short. New Years passed in a flash. Mixed in with  holiday celebrations was a grand retirement party! Such an amazing gathering that filled my heart with so much love. It was great affirmation that I have had an incredibly blessed career! I am so grateful for all the wonderful people who have participated in this career journey with me. I have learned so much from ALL of you. Still hard to wrap my arms around what it means to be "retired" :>)

Starting to pack for a little road trip. Off to California on Sunday to visit Matt and Catherine in Grover Beach, Peter and Clare in Oakland and John and Coralee Munro (friends from New Zealand) near Sacramento. Was planning to spend an extended time on the road (maybe 4-6 weeks), but now having to limit it to 2 weeks. On Thursday got news that my tumor markers are starting to climb again...not news we were hoping for. I'll be back for another CT scan on January 21. We'll see if tumors have reactivated and are confined to the liver or have moved on to new territory. Options for treatment will be explored after determining where things are active. Not exactly looking forward to more treatments, but will march on and take whatever medicine is needed. Would appreciate your continued positive prayers, support and energy directed toward stopping these unwelcomed visitors in their tracks! I'm certain that's why the treatment worked so well in the beginning and I'm confident that they will make a huge difference again. I appreciate each and every thought and prayer.